just try to relax...

ok... i'm sorry to bring this up again... but it's making me laugh. and i do realize that there are males who read my blog... you should probably just stop reading this one right now.

i just keep thinking about how humorous the whole yearly OBGYN experience is. i mean, ya... it's not actually humorous... it's more like... totally lame. but if you think about some of the things that are said or that you think during your OBGYN experience, it's pretty freaking funny.

like, for example, when you're taken in to the examination room, and they hand you two things: a sheet for your legs (which is actually an oversized papertowel) and a half gown for your top (which is also an oversized papertowel... with arm holes in it). and they say to you "you can put this top on either direction, it's up to you if you want it to open at the front or the back". seems simple enough. not that funny... until i found myself staring at it like it was some big decision. "well, i don't know... which way covers me up the most?" well, let's see... neither! really, i might as well have left it all on the chair and sat there naked, because frankly what you would like to remain covered is in fact about to be exposed.

or how about the point at which they say to you "ok... try to relax." ... ummmm! what?! how the crap am i supposed to be anywhere even NEAR a state of relaxation with what feels like an entire fist inside my uterus pushing all my pieces around?! i have a hard enough time relaxing when i'm lying in my bed at night, with all my clothes on and my legs in a totally normal position. THIS situation does not warrant relaxation.... EVER. so don't try to convince me of it, doc.

or what about the friendly chit chat about where i'm from and what my husband is studying in school while he's nearing second base under my "paper gown". i promise you, we are both keenly aware that the only purpose of this conversation is to fill the awkward silence of the moment.

anyway... you get my point. it's kinda funny. in a "it's been about a week since my appointment, so i've finally shaken the feeling of total violation" kind of way.

so, what's the funniest thing you've ever heard (or overheard) or said at the doctor's office?

curses

yep... still hate thawing chicken.

hmmm...

ok seriously... what in the world makes someone (man or woman... but particularly a man) wake up one morning and say to themselves... "you know, i think i want to be a gynaecologist..."?!

shoes off at the door rockstar!

so, after taking a week-long break from blogging (for no reason, other than the fact that i had nothing really interesting to say), i've decided to return. still, nothing particularly interesting has happened. THOUGH....

we did get a new doorbell that makes me feel like i live in a seniors home everytime it rings (loud, long... unnecessarily obnoxious). and we did get some fun new stuff at IKEA... all hail IKEA. and we do have a dishwasher and a washing machine and a dryer now... which is basically the same thing as heaven. and we did get our new couches a couple of weeks ago, which i failed to mention, even though we've been waiting for said-couches since we bought them in MARCH (the store kindly held them until we had a place big enough to use them). oh, and did i mention they're white? well... maybe cream. but STILL... yes, we are the idiots who spent a small fortune on WHITE couches. as in, i will try really hard not to think about what may or may not be on the seat of your pants as you're in the process of sitting down on them. as in, i wear socks so i can put my feet on the couch and not worry about the dirt that has built up from a day of wearing flip-flops. as in, right now these couches are white, but in a couple of years they will be a dull and dingy gray. but right now, while they're still new and unsoiled... they're awesome. and you can still bring your kids over... we have a warranty.

OH! and the title of this blog post makes me laugh. when burton was on his mission in indiana, he came upon a door that had this sign hanging on it. so he took a picture with it... because, well... it's just kind of funny. anyway... i've decided i want to make this sign for my own door. i've sort of become a "shoes on in the house" kind of person in recent years. but with the new white couches and the carpet that's actually worth taking your shoes off for, i feel it's time to return to my canadian roots of taking my shoes off. but i don't want to be pretentious and snobbish about it and paint "please kindly remove your shoes" on some crafty piece of wood (not that any of my friends or family who do this are pretentious and snobbish... open mouth, insert foot)... i want something that gets the point across whilst bolstering their self-esteem; thus the added "rockstar" compliment at the end. i mean, really... who doesn't want to be a rockstar? AND when REAL rockstars come over, they'll know that they are not excluded from my rule. so... it's either this sign or i'm considering resurrecting my door hanging from the days of hanging signs on your bedroom door... it said "Stay Out"... which i think would be pretty funny -- and awesomely awkward -- to hang on your front door... don't you think?

so... what's new and exciting in your life? AND... if you could hang a sign on your door (or already do), what would it say?

nothing to say... wha?

i'm bored. and nothing really interesting has happened in the last week or so... nobody's said anything particularly dim. i haven't been on any public transportation and seen anyone doing anything crazy. i haven't seen any crazy outfits or unusual hairstyles. no one has puked. no one has tried to convert me to a cult. i haven't run in to any mormons in unexpected places. though, of course i've run in to plenty of mormons. i haven't been stuck in traffic or gotten lost on my way to the grocery store...

i must be in provo.

and i have nothing to write about. and so instead of forcing you to read about the funny thing david letterman said or how many ankle stretches burton has done in the last 5 minutes... anyone have any requests? anyone have a question they've been dying to ask me? maybe a topic you'd be interested in reading about? a juicy story you've only heard rumors of, but you want to hear the whole story? anyone wanna fight about something?

aftermath

for some reason, putting my thoughts about 9/11 into words has always been difficult for me. which is saying a lot, since i have that whole "can't shut up" issue. but it was all so overwhelming for me. it didn't affect me in the sense that i knew someone who died. i didn't even know someone who knew someone who died. but it affected me. i watched the news for days. i saw the same images over and over and over again. i cried. and i stared. and i cried more. i cried for the same reasons that i cried when i saw the images of people struggling to stay alive, desperately trying to find their family members, and walking through the rubble that was once their homes in the aftermath of hurricane katrina. for the same reasons i cried when i saw the images of people being washed away in the tsunami in thailand, and trekking from village to village looking for their loved ones on a wall of polaroids. and for the same reasons i cry when i see small children with guns slung over their shoulders, yelling and screaming and burning flags and spewing hatred at a world that has failed to love them.

my heart breaks.

it breaks for all the people who have died too soon. it breaks for all the family members left behind to grieve. it breaks for tragedies that can't be avoided and for those that could have been. it breaks for the people who have lost sight of true happiness in the lies of radical religion. for those who have lost children and siblings and parents to the evils of the world.

and the reality is that it doesn't matter where i was when i first heard about these tragedies. it doesn't matter who told me or what they said. what matters is that in the aftermath... in the worlds often overlooked and forgotten by the mainstream media, i saw people -- people of all walks of life -- come together to help each other in the face of adversity. this is what i try to remember.

grade 12... senior year... whatever...

saw this post on ashby's blog... which you can only see if you're cool enough to have been invited :) ... and it seemed kinda fun. so here goes:

*** MY SENIOR YEAR (a.k.a. grade 12) ***

1. who were your best friends?
jessica, melissa, and emily

2. what sports did you play?
uh... does winning the stake basketball tournament count? how about playing volleyball with the missionaries?

3. what kind of car did you drive?
i wish. ok... well, not like these were my cars... but i drove my parents van (like a real van... like the kind with a bed and a tv and captain chairs in the back... you should've seen me parallel park that sucker... like a glove! passed my drivers test in this vehicle, i'll have you know), i drove my parents little tracker (and failed my drivers test twice in it... did i seriously just admit that?), and shortly after highschool my dad braved the "teach your daughter how to drive a stick" experience and i learned to drive our honda prelude.

4. on friday nights what were you doing?
sleepovers with the girls. church dances. going to parties and practicing the phrase "no thanks. i don't drink."

5. were you a party animal?
i didn't drink. i didn't do drugs. didn't smoke. my body was a temple and no one had a recommend. i was a major flirt and loved friends and stuff... but party animal. i don't think so.

6. were you considered a flirt?
see above. yes. yes, ok. yes i was.

7. were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
if there wasn't a trip to hawaii involved, i wasn't interested.

8. were you a nerd?
teachers pet, yes. nerd, no. dork... definitely.

9. did you get suspended/expelled?
i thought about this often. in my entire life, i was never ever even sent to the principals office. this fact sort of made me nervous, because i came to realize later on in my high school career, that should it ever happen, i would have no idea what to do and i would feel the need to ask the teacher "umm... so you said go to the principals office... exactly what do i do when i get there? do i sit down and wait? do i knock on the door? will you even know if i made it there?" and the teacher would think i was being a brat... but really... i had no idea. so no... never suspended or expelled. although... i did almost get kicked out of ricks college. that was fun. :)

10. can you still sing the fight song?
seriously... i didn't even know what a fight song was 'til i left canada. and i still don't really get it.

11. who was your favorite teacher?
mr. myhrer's - english teacher. we've been through this before. oh wait... he wasn't even my teacher my senior year... haha... ok favorite senior year teacher... hmm... nothing's really coming to mind. too much drama my senior year to worry about school. :)

12. where did you sit during lunch?
locker bays. outside. melissa's kitchen. oh... melissa and i used to go to her house and watch "remington steele" on our lunch breaks. haha. awesome.

13. name the school's full name?
dover bay secondary school

14. school mascot?
dolphin... doesn't that just strike fear in your mind?

15. school colors?
turquoise and white, maybe?

16. rival high school?
every other school in nanaimo. dover bay was sort of viewed as the rich kid school... so there were lots of enemies. and not that i was rich.

17. did you go to prom?
wow... i have no idea where to begin with this question, so i'm just going to leave it at "yes".

18. if you could go back and do it again, would you?
if i could go back to highschool and do it again, i would do it differently. but i don't think i'd be stoked about the idea. freshman and sophmore years at college though... definitely!

19. what do you remember most about graduation?
drama drama drama. girl likes boy (ok... many boys), boy likes different girl, girl's friend likes same boy(s), girls get in huge fights almost every day and then have sleepovers and are best friends again almost every night. boys. wow.

20. where did you go senior skip day?
i don't recall if this was something that happened at my highschool... if i did skip this day, i probably went to melissa's house and we probably ate food and watched tv or talked about boys while laying on the trampoline.

21. favorite memory?
stumped. but i'm sure it has to do with a boy.

22. were you in any clubs?
nope.

23. where did you go most often for lunch?
this is sort of a repeat question... moving on...

24. have you gained some weight since then?
hard to say. probably about the same actually. except what was once muscle is now some other substance i care not to talk about.

25. who was your senior prom date?
adam beaumont... or was it eric ellis... or were those melissa's dates? ;)

26. are you planning on going to your 10-year reunion?
came and went. didn't go, but reconnected with a bunch of people virtually. wish i could have been there.

27. who was your home room teacher?
no idea. did we have home room?

28. who will re-post this after you?
maybe whit... or jackie... or alison... i'm not sure...

29. who was your high school sweetheart?
hmmm... you want the whole list?

30. do you still talk to people from high school?
yep. quite a few actually.

31.did you win prom queen or king?
americans...

32. where did you work in high school?
i cleaned my dad's office once a week... yes, i was a janitor... for my dad.

33. what were your grades?
good. i did better when i got to college though.

34. what was your dress style?
i plead the 5th (which i can do, since i'm in the us)... but i will say it included the word "short" a lot.

35. what year did you graduate?
1996 -- geez.

okay, so here's the challenge... conjure up your best (and worst!) highschool memories and post this survey!

the incredible shrinking clothes!

uh... any chance clothes can shrink just from sitting in a box for 4.5 months? 'cause for some unknown reason, everything is tighter....

don't say it... everything SHRUNK... ok!? that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

on another completely unrelated note, does anyone have or want a 24-hour fitness membership (besides whitney, who is sadly leaving me in a couple of weeks) who wants to be my new yoga buddy on tuesday and thursday nights? but not tonight... because i'd prefer to sit at home and contemplate how in the world my clothes shrunk.

i'm serious... i need a new yoga buddy. i just can't do it by myself. i have no self-discipline. i don't even care if we've never met and we're just blogger friends (though, i'm not going to explain to burton that's how we know each other or i'll get the smirk... and i don't want the smirk).

anyway... any takers?

proof that insanity is hereditary

just when you thought the blogosphere couldn't possibly handle one more crazy person rambling about the nonsense in their head... my dad started a blog.

i promise you that the first thing that will go through your mind when you're done reading is "hmm... this explains so much!" :)

out from under the boxes

for your information, and to brag a little that we have so many awesome friends... 5 family members + 8 friends = unloading 2 fully-loaded trucks and 2 fully-loaded trailers in THIRTY MINUTES! that has got to be a record. anyway... we're all moved in and life is starting to feel a little back to normal. que the hallelujah chorus.

so, after a few days of unpacking the mountain of boxes, setting up furniture, buying more furniture to assemble ('cause we love it so much), and trying to live amongst the chaos for a few days, we finally got to the point where we could start running normal errands... like grocery shopping. i felt giddy at the thought of getting in my car and driving the short 10-15 minute drive to super walmart (que the hallelujah chorus again). no DC traffic to fight with. no realization that walmart is just walmart in DC... nothing super about it. no GPS navigation system to bark commands at me while i make my way through the maze of DC streets. free at last!

however... have you ever been to walmart on labor day? as in, the day before school starts? my worst experiences at walmart in utah, historically, have been on saturdays... you know... saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for sunday... all at the same time all over this beautiful state. anyway, this was much worse than any saturday experience. i will say that i was impressed that most people were kind... which is more than i can say for most saturday experiences, but it was still crazy nonetheless. it was a mix of freshman with their parents buying all their school stuff and clearly excited for the new adventure and milking mom and dad for all they were worth, the seasoned college student back from a summer vacation and moping about buying groceries which they will forever feel the need to label with their initials, newly married college students having their first fight over which brand to buy, married students married more than at least 9 months chasing crazy kids all over the store, and the occasional average citizen shaking their head at the chaos. i got stuck behind a large hispanic woman who felt the need to take a "stroll" down the aisles and make passing impossible. i felt the tingles up my spine as the freshman females squealed and giggled from all sides. i searched and searched for the items on my list but found empty shelf after empty shelf. and to top it all off, i stood in line for THIRTY MINUTES to check out. i literally could have moved in to my new apartment in the time it took to check out at walmart.

anyway, all in all... it's good to be back. it's good to be home. it's good to see great friends. it's nice to have my bed back and my clothes back and my box of random crap i can't throw away back. yeah for provo. :)

loathing

have i ever mentioned how much i HATE moving? ... 'cause i do.