tap tap tap... is this thing on?

uh... hi.

three months. that's a long time. but i have good (and lame) excuses.

1. i got a new job in february. arnolddc.com.

2. we bought a new house a month ago. did i mention it's like 2 minutes from costco?... ya, i know, right?

3. we decided the new house needed a few tweaks... so we landscaped (WE landscaped... as in, i got dirty and sweaty and stuff. burton has never been more in love with me), and we installed new closet shelves and such, and installed a cupboard in the bathroom (heaven forbid anyone ever takes it off the wall and sees the mess we made to get it up there), and put up shelving in the storage/laundry/tool room, and installed a microwave over the stove, and added an electrical outlet outside, and the list goes on... and on... and on...

4. my commute jumped from 5 ft to 45 minutes each way. (if i could blog and drive at the same time that would be perfect... but alas, i cannot)

5. my brother and his wife had a baby boy two weeks ago. (ok... not an excuse, but still pretty sweet)

6. my parents sold their house in nanaimo... and are going on an adventure for 2 years. destination unknown. and since they live on the opposite side of the continent, i'm sure you can see why that's kept me pretty busy...

7. it's been raining. non-stop. for like 2 months. ok, not really. but kinda. and that's also not really an excuse... but whatev.

8. i'm lazy.

so... maybe this means i'm back. we'll see how it goes. you know... with the rain and all.

infertility bites

it's a delicate balance between divulging too much and explaining too little. in my personal interactions, i tend to fall hard on the side of divulging too much. i'm an open book, as they say. i generally lack what some might call a "filter". but when it comes to my blog, i tend to keep things pretty private. sure, i'll tell you all about my escapades back in the day... kissing a boy(s), cheating on a test(s), stealing a fruit roll-up (that only happened once). but it's pretty rare that i share a really solid insight into what's going on with me. mostly because i don't know who is currently reading or may some day read my blog and despite my general lack of filtering, i like to control who i open the flood gates with. ANYway... screw it. here's what's up...

so, we've been trying to get pregnant. for a little over three years now. for most of those three years, we've taken people's advice about just letting things happen. but after three years of things not happening, no matter how much "letting" we did, we started seeking answers. i'm not going to go into the specifics of those answers (hey! look at me filtering! i'm so proud of myself), but i will tell you that after way too many way too invasive tests on both of us, we know the problem. and it's not that we're too stressed. it's not that i'm not ovulating. and no amount of elevating my hips is going to resolve it. (oh... there i go not filtering again...)

as it stands, there's still a chance (not a great chance... but a chance) that with some medical intervention the issue could be fixed. but that will take more time. and more waiting to know if it worked. possibly another year. and while some might say "just adopt"... we're not there yet. so don't say it.

and so this is where all the reasons i haven't been blogging come. mostly, i really just don't know what to say. i have so many moments where i feel so sorry for myself and it's hard and all i want to do is cry or curl up on the couch with a good movie and a hot chocolate and think about something else. but then i have moments where my faith is strengthened, and i know it will all be ok. that it's all happening for a reason... i truly believe that. that there are things i'm learning right this very second that i wouldn't learn any other way. and years from now, when i have screaming children and diapers to change and neverending laundry to do... i'll look back to this time in my life, and i hope that i won't feel like i wasted it waiting for the future to come. i wish i could say that i'm not doing that right now. but it's a battle. really. a battle between doubt and faith. discouragement and motivation. tears and smiles.

so, that's that. we wait. we try to make our life fulfilling while we anticipate what we hope will come. however it comes. whenever it comes. and we pray. as i know you are. and we love you for it. thanks.

holy hell!

now... i know that seems like i just cursed... but believe me, that is where i am right now. and the only thing between me and what can only be described as such, is a thin piece of cheap glass. when i think of hell, i imagine sweating bullets right through your clothes, wanting to pass out, feeling like your skin is going to burn and peel right off your bones... well, my friends... welcome to northern virginia. :) who knew i moved to the core of the earth? i'd have understood why my moving truck took two weeks, if i'd known it was THAT kind of a move. but seriously people, i'm completely unprepared for this. i'm practically hiding in my apartment. listening to my over-worked air conditioner work his little guts out to keep me from complete suffocation. i actually opened my door to the outside today and gasped. like, gasping for air at first and then gasping because i can't believe it's only JUNE!! 102 degrees... 60% humidity. i live in the amazon rainforest!

in other news, we're having fun here. :) really. honestly. despite the heat (heat = major understatement) we're almost unpacked and starting to feel a little more settled. oh! and p.s. i thought packing was the worst. it turns out, that UNpacking is actually the worst. but our place is looking cute, even if the tv and the couch don't line up perfectly (sorry burton) and everything that should be in a storage room is stacked in the corner of our "2nd bedroom". and despite the fact that we were completely spoiled in our last apartment, we'll be just fine in this place.

now, if i can just leave my apartment without an oxygen mask, i could get some good blog material. oh! speaking of leaving my apartment. burton and i locked ourselves out of our apartment the other night (apprently, automatic locks on the front door are not idiot proof). AND, you want to guess how we got back in? not the maintenance guy, 'cause apparently they don't offer that service. not a spare key. not a locksmith. nope... it was a bunch of thugs with a credit card. :) so, i told burton that i think we need to make friends with said "thugs", so instead of being slightly worried now, i can feel safe that they're watching our back or something. you know... like they're with their other thug buddies who are about to break in to our apartment and they stop them and say "hey! these are good people. move on." you know... whatever thugs say to each other when they're protecting their "good people" friends. :) .... what....?

oh... and the deadbolt is permanently locked now. so, don't get any ideas all you thugs out there who read my blog.

i'm pretty sure "thug" is a word that old people use... but it's kinda funny... unless you ARE a thug, then maybe it's offensive. i'll ask my new thug friends and let you know.

shoes off at the door rockstar!

so, after taking a week-long break from blogging (for no reason, other than the fact that i had nothing really interesting to say), i've decided to return. still, nothing particularly interesting has happened. THOUGH....

we did get a new doorbell that makes me feel like i live in a seniors home everytime it rings (loud, long... unnecessarily obnoxious). and we did get some fun new stuff at IKEA... all hail IKEA. and we do have a dishwasher and a washing machine and a dryer now... which is basically the same thing as heaven. and we did get our new couches a couple of weeks ago, which i failed to mention, even though we've been waiting for said-couches since we bought them in MARCH (the store kindly held them until we had a place big enough to use them). oh, and did i mention they're white? well... maybe cream. but STILL... yes, we are the idiots who spent a small fortune on WHITE couches. as in, i will try really hard not to think about what may or may not be on the seat of your pants as you're in the process of sitting down on them. as in, i wear socks so i can put my feet on the couch and not worry about the dirt that has built up from a day of wearing flip-flops. as in, right now these couches are white, but in a couple of years they will be a dull and dingy gray. but right now, while they're still new and unsoiled... they're awesome. and you can still bring your kids over... we have a warranty.

OH! and the title of this blog post makes me laugh. when burton was on his mission in indiana, he came upon a door that had this sign hanging on it. so he took a picture with it... because, well... it's just kind of funny. anyway... i've decided i want to make this sign for my own door. i've sort of become a "shoes on in the house" kind of person in recent years. but with the new white couches and the carpet that's actually worth taking your shoes off for, i feel it's time to return to my canadian roots of taking my shoes off. but i don't want to be pretentious and snobbish about it and paint "please kindly remove your shoes" on some crafty piece of wood (not that any of my friends or family who do this are pretentious and snobbish... open mouth, insert foot)... i want something that gets the point across whilst bolstering their self-esteem; thus the added "rockstar" compliment at the end. i mean, really... who doesn't want to be a rockstar? AND when REAL rockstars come over, they'll know that they are not excluded from my rule. so... it's either this sign or i'm considering resurrecting my door hanging from the days of hanging signs on your bedroom door... it said "Stay Out"... which i think would be pretty funny -- and awesomely awkward -- to hang on your front door... don't you think?

so... what's new and exciting in your life? AND... if you could hang a sign on your door (or already do), what would it say?

holy super lazy batman!

so life in general has been pretty much insane the last few months and i really haven't made my blog a priority. in summary: burton had finals. i had work. we had a trip to europe to plan. i had to fly to canada for a week to renew my passport so we could go to europe. we had to pack everything we own into WAY too many categories (items for europe, items for the three weeks at burton's parents before we leave for the summer, items for the summer in DC, everything else we need to move back down to provo when we get back... because packing didn't SUCK enough already!). then we had to move everything we own into a storage room and try to keep all the things we needed for the next few months from ending up at the bottom of a heap of boxes. a day or so later, we left for europe for two weeks. got back, moved into burton's parents and began repeatedly asking "shoot... where is this and where is that... have you seen this... any idea where that is?" LAME! moving... grrr. and three weeks and a 30-hour drive later... we're alive and well in washington, dc.

burton has his first day at work today. this is his second internship in dc and a great one to add to his resume. something about jason bourne and secret missions. :) jk. i'd love to tell you what he does... but then i'd have to kill you. :) kidding again. i would love to tell you what he will be doing... but we have no idea really. i'm hoping he'll come home today and i can give you a better idea... and THEN i'll have to kill you! :)

and well... as for me... sure, it's 8:44 AM in utah... but it's 10:44 AM in dc... and i'm still in bed. i hate this transition. time zones. making an early morning that much earlier. blah.