just try to relax...

ok... i'm sorry to bring this up again... but it's making me laugh. and i do realize that there are males who read my blog... you should probably just stop reading this one right now.

i just keep thinking about how humorous the whole yearly OBGYN experience is. i mean, ya... it's not actually humorous... it's more like... totally lame. but if you think about some of the things that are said or that you think during your OBGYN experience, it's pretty freaking funny.

like, for example, when you're taken in to the examination room, and they hand you two things: a sheet for your legs (which is actually an oversized papertowel) and a half gown for your top (which is also an oversized papertowel... with arm holes in it). and they say to you "you can put this top on either direction, it's up to you if you want it to open at the front or the back". seems simple enough. not that funny... until i found myself staring at it like it was some big decision. "well, i don't know... which way covers me up the most?" well, let's see... neither! really, i might as well have left it all on the chair and sat there naked, because frankly what you would like to remain covered is in fact about to be exposed.

or how about the point at which they say to you "ok... try to relax." ... ummmm! what?! how the crap am i supposed to be anywhere even NEAR a state of relaxation with what feels like an entire fist inside my uterus pushing all my pieces around?! i have a hard enough time relaxing when i'm lying in my bed at night, with all my clothes on and my legs in a totally normal position. THIS situation does not warrant relaxation.... EVER. so don't try to convince me of it, doc.

or what about the friendly chit chat about where i'm from and what my husband is studying in school while he's nearing second base under my "paper gown". i promise you, we are both keenly aware that the only purpose of this conversation is to fill the awkward silence of the moment.

anyway... you get my point. it's kinda funny. in a "it's been about a week since my appointment, so i've finally shaken the feeling of total violation" kind of way.

so, what's the funniest thing you've ever heard (or overheard) or said at the doctor's office?