a pimp and a... wha?

despite the fact that burton didn't intend to go as a "pimp" for halloween, but rather a "70s guy" (whatever that is), and we both thought our costumes were as far from a "couple costume" as you could get, as soon as we walked through the door to the halloween party and someone said "hey! it's a pimp and his witch!", we knew there was more we could have done with it.

this year, was like many before it -- we start to think about halloween months beforehand, and say things like "this year we should really do something cool. this year's going to be different because we're talking about it early." and then 2 days before the halloween party comes, we're scrambling around trying to think of something "cool" to do. we spent an evening driving around to various places, looking for the perfect costume. burton finally decided to just go as something he'd been before, but i only had pieces of old costumes, so i was out of luck.

we went to D.I. (secondhand store) and i just stood there amid the hundreds of painfully ugly shirts and started to pout. "i hate halloween. i hate trying to find a costume. i hate secondhand stores. i hate the smell of moth balls. i hate spending money on a stupid costume every single year that i will wear for one friggin' night, when i could buy a new shirt or a pair of shoes that i'll wear everyday." (ok... not EVERYday. gross.) finally, i said, "let's leave. i need to leave. i can't be here anymore." and we left (but not before burton made me try to slip a childrens winnie-the-pooh costume over my head... too bad it couldn't fit over my huge pouty lip).

we made our way to a halloween costume store. i hate to be a broken record and say the same thing i said last year... but seriously, what the crap is with halloween!? is it too much to ask for a costume that covers my butt cheeks? i'll spare you my soap box speech about how halloween has become a holiday to celebrate the glamorous livestyle of hookers, and how disappointing it is that WOMEN are perpetuating the problem, because THEY are the ones BUYING the freaking costumes. (ok... i'll at least spare you the long version of my speech). anyway, i found a witch costume tucked way at the back... it was classic, it covered my "parts", and it wasn't too expensive, so i decided that from now on, each october 31st... i'm gonna be a witch. (and apparently, one with an attitude problem).

gracefully grey

when you're still trying to figure out how to go a full week without breaking out... is it really fair to be getting grey hair? and wrinkles? and finding that your joints aren't what they used to be? it's not. it's not fair. and there is absolutely nothing "graceful" about going grey while propped pricariously on the bathroom counter, feet in the sink, tweezers in one hand and a handful of hair in the other, squinting in the mirror as i go on a safari for the dreaded grey hair hiding amongst the millions of dark ones. and i swear... i SWEAR that there's more everyday. and the stuff i pluck, just comes back for more. i'm sure you'd never notice (mostly because it's become an obsession, and i leave no prisoners), but it's there... mocking me as i near my final 366-day (leap year) descent towards 30.

thank heavens for hair color. do they sell an acne treatment anti-wrinkle cream? :)

the bottom of the barrel

i have definitively concluded that when you live innnnn...... hmmm... (oh, who am i kidding?... the cat's out of the bag about where i live)... provo, work at home all day (during which time my husband is typically home -- for all you weirdo stalker people who might think that's an invitation to come visit), leave the home primarily for purposes of shopping for groceries, picking up movies, returning movies, and occasionally (haha) going to yoga, and have developed an unnatural virtual relationship with 400+ of my closest friends (on facebook) ranging from kids i played "house" with in kindergarten to people i have yet to meet in my ward .... there's really nothing to blog about.

let me sum up the blog posts you've been so blessed to read since i returned to happy valley... i wrote about unpacking, introduced you to my dad, talked about how i gained weight over the summer and my clothes don't fit anymore, unveiled some bizarre recollections about highschool and prom, talked about september 11th (because everyone else was), wrote about how i had nothing to write about (always worth writing about), made not-so-subtle hints about how i want people to take their shoes off when they come visit me and brush their behinds off before they sit on my stupidly white couches, wrote about the gynaecologist... TWICE, can't forget the image of me cursing at the frozen chicken in my freezer, took a little trip down memory lane and introduced you to my freshman year at ricks, complained about hell week, said farewell to the shafer's, complained again about the specifics of hell week, cursed cyber-space for losing my blog post, and asked you a stupid question. and that brings me to today. where again, i find myself writing about how i have nothing to write about.

maybe i should start a countdown to when i will depart this blissfully boring valley of happiness, and enter the entertaining world of insanity... of course, i'm sad to leave (yadda yadda)... but my blog is STRUGGLING people! i've even started writing ideas for blog posts... like how about how the gilmore girls talk like they're blogging -- maybe that makes no sense to people, but seriously... it's like one big long run on sentence (ok... maybe they talk like they're reading MY blog). anyway... that idea sounded stupid, so i dropped it... until now, aren't you lucky?

then i thought about poking a little fun at the silly emails people forward to me, on an almost daily basis, that all fall into one of three categories: (1) are totally and completely false and should be recognized as such simply because... pretty much any forward about a missing person, something someone said that we should all be pissed about, or some warning about a girl who had such-and-such happen to her while walking to her car... is completely made-up (welcome to snopes.com). (2) are blatantly slamming some political party for one reason or another, and making me less and less excited for the day i actually have to decide which "side" i'm really on. or (3) make fun of canada... harr harr... so unique. so witty and clever. *eye roll*

i also thought about discussing my most recent trip to target, and how it wasn't any fun... because i am preparing to move to DC... where i will be poor, because a gallon of milk costs as much as a tank of gas (ok, not really). ANYway... we're being "responsible" (aka. shopping sucks).

or there was the one where i was going to talk about how i was starting to realize that my self-esteem was unhealthy linked to the number of people who left comments on my blog or notes on my facebook profile. and then i got a life.

and the list of ideas that didn't make it to a post goes on. mostly it's a list of things that annoyed me, and i thought maybe it would be fun to complain about them. :) i kind of do a lot of that, huh? i really am a generally happy person, i promise... but annoying things are much more entertaining to poke fun at.

so ya... clearly, my blog is called "ramblings" for a reason. :)

i know what you did...

so... it's question time again. where i ask you a question and you wonder why on earth i'm asking it, but feel strangely compelled to answer it:

if someone walked up to you and completely seriously, no kidding around, said to you, "i know what you did..." what is the very first thing that would come to your mind that they might know about you?

'cause i GUARANTEE it would take you all of about 30 seconds to run through a list of scary possibilities in your head. come on people...

my list would include:

• didn't read the assignments in my religion class at ricks college (10 years ago), but said i did and got credit for it... even after they said to be honest and gave us a huge guilt trip about it.
• got a "b+" in my personal finance class (which i literally slept through every single class period... that i actually went to) because my friend "shared" his homework with me before each class.
• wasn't really sick.
• wasn't really busy.
• really did see that you called.

so... what's on your list? :)

p.s. i'm trying to be better.

*gasp*

like for real *GASP* ... like the kind of *gasp* you hear from the other room behind a closed door when someone who has ALMOST finished a fairly lengthy (and mildly entertaining, if i do say so myself) blog post and then hits what was supposed to be the "minimize" button in the top right hand corner of the internet browser window, but ACTUALLY ended up being the [x] button... and GONE people! GONE! is there anything more annoying in this whole world than writing something long and witty (wit that cannot be duplicated, i might add) and then losing it!??! i want to throw things. i want to curse. i want to write it all over again... but it's useless. it's gone. so long. time to go thaw some frozen chicken so i can make dinner... which also makes me want to throw things and curse, so maybe there are more annoying things in this world... this moment of the day is unexpectedly sucky.

bad client 101

ok... so last week...

i sort of don't really feel like going into all the nitty gritty details of the exact reasons last week was hell. but let's just say that i have learned over the years that when trying to get people to complete a task in a very short window of time, the key is NOT to be a jerk about it. it's definitely not asking people to do MORE work. and i guarantee you that it's not saying things like "this is unacceptable" at the beginning and end of every email correspondence just because you like hearing yourself say it.

because if you do... people like myself might be tempted on 50+ occasions throughout a week to respond to said approach with the phrase "bite me" or "shove it" or maybe even "stick it where the sun don't shine". (i guess i had better clarify that this wasn't a person i work for, whom i was tempted to say this to... this was a client. a bad client. the abusive boyfriend kind. the kind that you keep working with over and over again because "he's changed... it'll be different this time" but they keep being a jerk. but you keep taking it because... well, you're stupid. anyway... just to clarify).

so... yes... last week was hell. yes... i worked 60+ hours last week. yes... most of that was in my pajamas, so none of you should really feel that sorry for me. but it's over now. back to normal. (still in my pajamas though). but seriously... i want my weekend back please!

the shafe's

so today's the day... we've known the day was coming for quite some time now, and we keep getting little extensions and delays of the inevitable... but today our dear friends, ben and whitney (and my two favorite little boys) pack up their belongings and prepare to depart for california. we've had friends come and go, and we've had friends move away... but for some reason, this one is different. it's far away. we're living in what used to be their apartment. and they've been a really big part of our lives for the last 3+ years.

when i moved in to the ward, i was assigned as whitney's visiting teaching companion. she was very pregnant with her first, i was newly married... and we were pretty much the laziest visiting teachers ever. i think we did go once in the four months we were companions (so we're not TOTAL failures), but we didn't know each other... we weren't friends. frankly, i don't think we even tried. we were just busy.

a few months later, we were called to serve together in the ward's relief society presidency. many months, many meetings, and many sonoma diet meals together later... we found ourselves the best of friends. she introduced me to yoga... and put me to shame even at 9 months pregnant. we did the sonoma diet together and sucked on ice-cubes during the ten days of hell without sweets. when burton was in DC for 3 months while i had to stay in provo, she and ben took care of me. made me feel at home. they saved me from the insanity that is loneliness. and just last month, we were assigned as visiting teaching companions again... and we did it! and totally redeemed ourselves! :)

and then there's their boys... what can i say!? the first time joelie said "nana"... i was in love. and the first time he called burton "monkey"... i knew this love was forever. :) and how can anyone not love kadin the cuddler!? the greatest little hugger in the world. it amazes me how much these two little boys have grown since they entered our lives... and it's exciting and sad to think how much they will grow before we see them again. that's the trouble with living far away... we all stay relatively the same (at least i keep telling myself that), but kids grow up.

and so... as the shafer's head off on their new adventure, i couldn't let the opportunity pass to send a little shout out to my friends. we love you. we will miss you. my motivation to go to yoga has already severly suffered. :) we can't wait for our first shafer/rampton family vacation on the beach! drive safe. call us when you get there!

girls are crazy

i just discovered my new favorite quote:

"for most of history, Anonymous was a woman."
(virginia woolf)

h - e - double hockey sticks

next week, i'll tell you all about the week of hell i am in the middle of right now. until then, i miss you all, and i appreciate the little breaks of sanity you're providing when i get a chance to read your blogs. yeah for virtual friendships! :)

too much to do

busy busy. work work. email. IM. email again. answer phone. IM. email. phone. email. phone. IM. IM. crap hits the fan. more emails. more phone calls. more IM. cosby show (shh). more emails. answer phone again. IM.

that about sums it up.

freshman sentiments

maybe it's because it's been 10 years since my freshman year in college, and i'm feeling sentimental. maybe it's because burton is almost finished with school (7 months and counting) and we'll actually be leaving the college town bubble i've become so accustomed to living in over the past decade. maybe it's because i'm realizing so many friends are now gone or are on their way out. or maybe it's just because i have the greatest friends EVER! but whatever the case, i'm missing my friends.

i spent some of the day reading through old journals. i started writing in a journal in 9th grade. i was an avid journal writer all through highschool and college, and even a couple years after college. i've sort of sucked at it lately, but over the years i've accumulated 15 volumes of my journal. they range from incredibly embarrasing confessions of love for multiple boys to incredibly embarrasing confessions of love for the man i finally married. they contain detailed play-by-plays of roommate brawls and mushy play-by-plays of how so-and-so held my hand and then we slid closer on the couch and badda-bing badda-bang and then we kissed! so embarrasing.

but what it also contains is evidence of great friends. evidence of the amazing influence a handful of people have had on my life. total strangers who entered my life and soon became my best friends in the whole world.

the girls: we fought over boys, fought over clothes, fought over food and chores. we had food fights, water fights, screaming-crying-want-to-punch-her-in-the-face fights. but we laughed harder than i think i've ever laughed in my whole life. we had pillow talk. we compared cup sizes. we etched the initials of boys we'd kissed into the bunkbeds. we skipped school and stayed in our pajamas all day and watched 90210 reruns while eating pasta roni straight from the pot. we ate no-bake cookies 'til we could hardly walk anymore. we threw dance parties and got in trouble. we had breakfast parties and invited only boys -- like 40 of them. we locked all our doors, dressed up like hula dancers and danced on our coffee table to butt-rock classics. we went an entire month bumming toilet paper off other people, just to see if we could go a month without having to buy it. i love my girls.

the boys: my best "guy" friends were established pretty early and they remained my best guy friends throughout. we were total idiots together. we laughed a lot. we watched a lot of stupid movies. we said really dumb stuff all the time. they wrestled in my house. they ate our food. they drove us to the store. they took us out. they were always ready to give a priesthood blessing. they could be total dorks and make us laugh and didn't have to be "cool". they cared about us and could see us without our make-up on and they still thought we were great. i love my boys.

so anyway... it's really been 10 years. TEN years. i miss you all. i'm so glad you are all my friends and i'm so glad you're all happy! love you all dear friends! thanks for the fun times. ;)