discussions amid paying bills

me: "i'm on a mission to change how i write my capital G's ."

burton: "why?"

me: "because they look like a circle with an arrow on the end."

burton: "sounds like a pretty intense mission."

me: "it is. it's hard to do."

burton: "i'm on a mission to change my signature."

me: "what are you going to change it to?"

burton: "frank wright."

discussions over a sunday dinner

burton: "i love wicker" (saying this primarily because i hate wicker)

me: "blah" (puking noises express my feelings well)

burton: "i think i want a wicker throne" (grape crystal light nearly makes it out my nose as i bust up laughing)

me: "so on your world, wicker will be cool then?"

girls are crazy

i just discovered my new favorite quote:

"for most of history, Anonymous was a woman."
(virginia woolf)

the metro in quotations

just when i thought i'd run out of things to blog about... i took the LAST metro home last night...

"we can take the metro. no big deal."
burton and i, as we're leaving the movie theatre and dismissing an offer for a ride home from his brother.

"you should be fine. the last metro leaves Metro Center about 12:15"
the lady working in the booth at the metro entrance. oh... and that's AM... as in we're getting ON the metro after mid-night.

"we better run"
burton, as we're standing at the door of the train waiting to get out, because if we miss the change at metro center, we're sca-rewed.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!! we MADE it!!!!"
the entertainment for the evening, as he arrived on the metro car.

"she wouldn't give me the pump fist"
same kid, after he'd walked passed everyone in our metro car and given them the "rock" because they were on the train too and had made it, just like him. he was excited. and wearing a bright yellow "west virginia" jersey. and clearly VERY drunk... a really happy drunk.

"18? uh... higher... higher... uh... i'm 25..."
the drunken west virginian after an irish man on my right asked him his age... and started out at 18... i have no idea why. ;)

"i'm from west virginia. come on... give me your best west virginia joke"
the drunken west virginian, taunting some kid from pennsylvania, who turned around and mumbled some joke about his sister.

"what was the joke. i didn't hear it"
the irish-man, asking the drunken west virginian, what the penn state mumbler said.

"he said INcest... like inbreeding... like, as in brother and sister"
spoken very loudly by drunken west virginian. yes... i'm familiar with what inbreeding means... but thank you for clarifying it... in so many ways.

"everyone looks like they're going to the library"
yes... yes we do... why?! because the metro is not a bar and because it's 12:15 in the freaking morning and i am tired and you are loud and everyone is trying really hard to IGNORE you.

"you gonna be ok?"
kind-hearted football player, as he puts his hand on the shoulder of a woman (who was totally zoned-out) sitting across from us, right before exiting the metro car.

"i think i'm gonna move"
another woman sitting right across from us, immediately after zoned-out woman turned her head slightly and puked her guts out on the floor of the metro.

"this metro car is no longer in service. please exit the train."
um... what!? so everyone gets off the train and stands on the platform like idiots. like hundreds of us. does anyone come to tell us what's going on? no... of course not, it's only 1:00 AM... why would we care if another train was coming?

"blah blah blah mumble mumble mumble train blah blah. thank you"
a voice over the loud speaker... oh... did i mention LOUD? who the crap decides the volume on the metro speaker? because i would like to talk to that person and try to understand why clarity has been sacrificed for volume. but apparently it said something about the next train coming, because it showed up a few minutes later and we all got on.

"you doing ok dude?"
uh oh... don't like the sound of that. a chubby white guy, turning to his really big black buddy sitting across the aisle from us, with his head in his hands and bottom lip drooping to his knees. not good. not good at all.

"he really likes to party"
chubby white friend, directed to us... immediately after big black buddy barfed his brains out on the floor of the metro.

"at least he puked where there's already a stain"
brilliant. yet true. and very profound. chubby white friend said what i had been thinking since the first girl puked. there were stains. all over the floor. and since no one is allowed to have food or drink on the metro, one can only assume...

so... the moral of the story is four fold:

(1) we're not in provo anymore.

(2) don't take the last metro train home... even on a thursday night.

(3) "no food or drink" on the metro apparently doesn't pertain to food or drink already consumed.

(4) don't touch ANYthing on the metro. ANYTHING! ever...

favs from the mouth of my husband

direct quote from burton, sitting on the other side of the room from me:

"if i spit my gum at you, can you throw it away for me?"

haha. sometimes i think he's the funniest person i know.

it's written by... umm... shakespeare?

so... speaking of eavesdropping, i neglected to discuss my little encounter at hollywood video last wednesday night. if there's one thing i love about eavesdropping, it's when i'm eavesdropping on really stupid people talking.

some of you may be doing the math in your head and realizing that i was standing in a line at hollywood video on valentine's day (by myself nonetheless), so i'll start there. burton and i decided to celebrate valentine's the friday/saturday before valentine's day. we went up to SLC for dinner, stayed at a cool hotel, didn't do the usual denny's (as we decided to opt out of the greasy overpriced menu and go for something a little lighter at einstein's... good choice). and so when valentine's day came we went for the low-key approach. we stayed home, made a good meal together, and then burton did the dishes while i ran to hollywood to get a video. oh... and he bought me beautiful flowers. they were gorgeous!! (see for yourself). so anyway, this is how i ended up alone at the video store on valentine's. now to the amazing conversation i overheard.

now, i really really really want to do justice with my explanation of these two... because the way they were dressed and everything about the couple just added to the whole scenario. he was your stereotypical "too short for his head and shoulders" kind of guy. like he would have been a fairly normal looking guy, probably even handsome, if he had just a couple more inches to go with the width of his shoulders. i know this sounds mean, but you know what i'm trying to get at, right? anyway, his hair was kind of slicked back and a little long at the back, dark brown/black hair, tanned complexion, rugged 5 o'clock shadow, large well-defined nose... and just really short (nothing against short... but i need you to picture this guy). so to add to all of this, he's wearing a white collared shirt, no tie, a red velvet blazer, i'm pretty sure he was wearing jeans, and then white patent leather shoes (kind of the miami vice meets austin powers look). it was obvious he was dressed up for valentine's... but he was way "too cool" to be kidding and getting away with it.

his date... was blonde (we'll get to this part), thin, pretty and significantly taller than him, going for the high heels with jeans look, a red/white/black polka dotted shirt (again, with the valentine's day theme)... and probably about 18.

so, we happened to be in the same area walking around the video store, so i heard bits and pieces of their conversation here and there... he was the big movie buff, constantly saying "you're kidding?! you haven't seen that... that is an amazing movie"... i'm so bugged that i can't remember the movie he said was so amazing because it was seriously so lame. anyway, they narrowed it down to a few movie choices and then decided on "romeo and juliet" (the newer leo version) and went to the line, just as i joined the line.

hollywood video seems to have the longest lines for some strange reason, so i had the pleasure of standing behind this couple for a good solid 10 minutes or so. and because i was alone, i really had no other choice but to listen to their conversation. it was clear that they were on a first date... they had the awkward laughs down pat. they couldn't stop moving... they were in a constant state of "shuffle". he was just moving around nervously and she was doing that thing girls do where they rock back on to their heels. i just kept sitting there thinking how weird it was that some day this awkward couple could be married, 'cause in most cases we all start out that way. anyway, they made small talk and laughed hysterically at each others idiotic comments, she commented on never having seen "romeo and juliet" (which i thought was strange and then remembered she was probably 7 when it was in the theatre's so i forgave her for that) and then... she got a phone call from her roommate.

it was obvious that her roommate asked what movie they had chosen, and she responded "umm... we got this movie called 'romeo and juilet'" (long pause, either processing her next comment or listening to a question from the other end of the line... either way, the next comment was priceless)... "umm ya... it's written by... umm... shakespeare" (like it ended with a question mark). i wanted to laugh... i wanted to pull the guy she was with, who was clearly already feeling awkward, and say "are you sure about this one?", but instead... i wrote it down. this is what i have become. one of those people who listens to other people's conversations in the hopes that someone really dim will say something worthy of writing a blog post about. :) and here she is.

gotta love a good quote

"what c.s. lewis said of our reception-oriented social gatherings is often true: meeting people in such settings is like reading only the first page of one hundred different books--very unfulfilling! all of us should strive, therefore, to have some friendships that are deep and solid--so solid, for instance, that if they were interrupted, the unfinished conversation could be resumed months later almost in mid-sentence, just as if we had never been apart."

- neal a. maxwell