the metro in quotations

just when i thought i'd run out of things to blog about... i took the LAST metro home last night...

"we can take the metro. no big deal."
burton and i, as we're leaving the movie theatre and dismissing an offer for a ride home from his brother.

"you should be fine. the last metro leaves Metro Center about 12:15"
the lady working in the booth at the metro entrance. oh... and that's AM... as in we're getting ON the metro after mid-night.

"we better run"
burton, as we're standing at the door of the train waiting to get out, because if we miss the change at metro center, we're sca-rewed.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!! we MADE it!!!!"
the entertainment for the evening, as he arrived on the metro car.

"she wouldn't give me the pump fist"
same kid, after he'd walked passed everyone in our metro car and given them the "rock" because they were on the train too and had made it, just like him. he was excited. and wearing a bright yellow "west virginia" jersey. and clearly VERY drunk... a really happy drunk.

"18? uh... higher... higher... uh... i'm 25..."
the drunken west virginian after an irish man on my right asked him his age... and started out at 18... i have no idea why. ;)

"i'm from west virginia. come on... give me your best west virginia joke"
the drunken west virginian, taunting some kid from pennsylvania, who turned around and mumbled some joke about his sister.

"what was the joke. i didn't hear it"
the irish-man, asking the drunken west virginian, what the penn state mumbler said.

"he said INcest... like inbreeding... like, as in brother and sister"
spoken very loudly by drunken west virginian. yes... i'm familiar with what inbreeding means... but thank you for clarifying it... in so many ways.

"everyone looks like they're going to the library"
yes... yes we do... why?! because the metro is not a bar and because it's 12:15 in the freaking morning and i am tired and you are loud and everyone is trying really hard to IGNORE you.

"you gonna be ok?"
kind-hearted football player, as he puts his hand on the shoulder of a woman (who was totally zoned-out) sitting across from us, right before exiting the metro car.

"i think i'm gonna move"
another woman sitting right across from us, immediately after zoned-out woman turned her head slightly and puked her guts out on the floor of the metro.

"this metro car is no longer in service. please exit the train."
um... what!? so everyone gets off the train and stands on the platform like idiots. like hundreds of us. does anyone come to tell us what's going on? no... of course not, it's only 1:00 AM... why would we care if another train was coming?

"blah blah blah mumble mumble mumble train blah blah. thank you"
a voice over the loud speaker... oh... did i mention LOUD? who the crap decides the volume on the metro speaker? because i would like to talk to that person and try to understand why clarity has been sacrificed for volume. but apparently it said something about the next train coming, because it showed up a few minutes later and we all got on.

"you doing ok dude?"
uh oh... don't like the sound of that. a chubby white guy, turning to his really big black buddy sitting across the aisle from us, with his head in his hands and bottom lip drooping to his knees. not good. not good at all.

"he really likes to party"
chubby white friend, directed to us... immediately after big black buddy barfed his brains out on the floor of the metro.

"at least he puked where there's already a stain"
brilliant. yet true. and very profound. chubby white friend said what i had been thinking since the first girl puked. there were stains. all over the floor. and since no one is allowed to have food or drink on the metro, one can only assume...

so... the moral of the story is four fold:

(1) we're not in provo anymore.

(2) don't take the last metro train home... even on a thursday night.

(3) "no food or drink" on the metro apparently doesn't pertain to food or drink already consumed.

(4) don't touch ANYthing on the metro. ANYTHING! ever...