talkee talkee, no more talkee

CRAP! i'm pretty sure, after some careful self-reflection, that i've determined... i talk too much. it's always been pretty clear that i like to talk. i started to talk pretty early; i spoke in full sentences pretty early; i caught unsuspecting elderly gentlemen off-guard as a toddler with my confident statements: "ooo! i really like your car!" ... and then in school and in church... you could always count on janaya to have something to say about whatever was being discussed. being one of a handful of mormon's in my highschool, i was always the first to tackle debates from a religious perspective. being one of a million mormon's in my university, i was always the first to say "you can't use 'well, nephi said...' to win an argument!" if there's an issue on the table, i'm going to jump on it... and talk it to death.

in recent years, i've tried to show restraint. i've taken the "interpersonal communications" classes in college. i've learned that listening is an important part of discussion. i've learned that you should seek to understand before you seek to be understood. i've learned all that. i've had moderate success with all that. but i've recently realized that one of the key ingredients to my disdain for people who talk too much is that it's taking away from MY talk time. CRAP!

and i think this problem is being fueled by my blog. because now, i am actually convinced that people WANT to hear the random stuff going on in my head. it's not like i'm necessarily "bragging" or "boasting" (had to look up the official definitions of those two words, just to be sure i'm being honest with myself about that)... it's just that i'm talking... talking... talking. about myself. what i'm thinking. what i've been doing. what's new in my "really interesting" life. most of the time, what i'm saying is actually unveiling how crazy and retarded i am... so it's not even like there's some benefit to my talking too much. :) i just like talking.

i guess actually, the reality is... i like discussing. i like a good heated discussion. but sometimes, i'll be mid-discussion and realize "holy crap! am i STILL talking?! shut up!"... so it's not even that i have a love of HEARING myself talk... i just can't stop. take church, for example. i LOVE teaching in church, because there's discussion... i HATE giving talks in church, because right around the 5 or 6 minute mark, i start to get annoyed with my own voice and i'm bored with just hearing myself. BUT... whatever the situation... i talk too much. and this has got to stop.

so, i'm committing to the world wide blogosphere... i will listen more. and talk less. unless i have something really good to say... then you'll just have to deal with it. :P