total intimidation

so... i've been asked to sub for a primary class this sunday. they're 10. and for some reason, this fact kind of terrifies me. 10?! when was the last time i even spoke to a 10 year old? what do 10 year olds look like? hahaha. no seriously. how is it possible that i really have this huge social gap in my life? give me a bunch of toddlers. great. give me a bunch of old ladies. i can teach them... probably even make them laugh a bit. give me anyone over the age of 19 or under the age of 4, and i'm in my element. but 10? what do 10 year olds like? i think i still played with barbie's at 10... i'm pretty sure i was at the hitting boys because i liked them phase. what's funny to a 10 year old? oh! it just struck me that they're in 5th grade. i've seen "are you smarter than a 5th grader"... but are 10 year olds really like that? i suddenly just had flashbacks of grade 5... 10 year olds are mean. are they still mean? or was that just an 80s thing?

ok... help me. somebody has to know something about 10 year olds. do they bite? :)

i married a monkey

so... sometimes you're just not really in the mood to blog. and then other times, you get an email from your brother-in-law packed with old pictures of the family... and you run across a picture of a boy who will one day be your husband... and a girl who will one day be your sister-in-law... and BLOG, you must!


i really have nothing to say about this picture, except...

haHahahAHahAhaHAhahahA

1994... i was 15 years old

last night, i spent a couple hours reading through some of my old journals (how it's possible that i don't have time to get ready in the morning, but i find a few hours to do random stupid stuff like this, i have no idea). i picked up 1994.

what i learned about 1994 is that in 1994 i was a total BRAT! somehow, at 15 i'd convinced myself that i was totally normal... that i wasn't a brat, but that at some level i'd been jipped. all my friends were turning 16 before me. they were all dating before me, driving before me... and i was entitled to the same. if they got to jump off a bridge, so should i, dang it!!

i cannot tell you how embarrasing it was to read "my parents are so dumb" ... "my mom is being so lame" ... "i'm so annoyed with my dad. he's being totally unfair" on every other page. all i wanted to do was talk on the phone... that's it. talk on the phone. for hours. every page was filled with "i *heart* so-and-so... and so-and-so... and so-and-so". and what really surprised me is how often i said church was dumb. "went to church today... it was dumb"... occasionally i'd have these really great experiences with church and that seemed to keep me going, but so weird... no idea how i managed to stay so committed to it all amid phrases like "church is dumb".

seriously... i can't believe how "15" i was. same person... completely different brain. and vocabulary. i'm too embarrased to even admit the words i used to describe people i didn't like or was mad at. and my thought process was insane. "so-and-so said he might have to go to jail... i really hope he doesn't. that would be so lame." hahaha... ya, lame. that's the word. or how about "so-and-so hung up on me. he's such a jerk. i so hope he likes me." no shame. are all 15 year old girls this crazy!? maybe teenagers in general?

so anyway...

to my parents: i'm sorry i said you were dumb and unfair (even if it was just in my journal).
to my church leaders: i'm sorry i was such a brat.
to my teachers: i'm sorry i said i was going to the bathroom and then went to the library to talk to boys for 25 minutes, and then came back and lied and told you i just wasn't feeling well (and i'm sorry i was such a good liar that you believed me).
to my girlfriends: i'm sorry i liked all the same boys you did.
to my boyfriends: i'm sorry i liked so many of you all at once.
to my husband: i'm sorry i was so weird. thank goodness you didn't meet me half my life ago.
to my future children: hopefully this will make me more understanding when you're a crazy teenager and you think i'm dumb and all you want to do is talk on the phone.

ah... journals. and pink pens. why the crap did i use pink pens?!

10 days of thanksgiving countdown - day 7

every once in awhile, i get the urge to pull out old photos. i am a sucker for nostalgia. i could look through pictures and letters and journals for HOURS. today i found this little gem. yep, that's me (a.k.a. the female version of my brother). and i have to say, i LOVED that fisherprice house. i can still vividly remember what each little room looked like and all the little furniture that went inside it. and so today, i'm grateful for a few things...

a great childhood.

wicked sweet 80s toys.

awesome 80s clothes.

and the old school pictures to prove it.

one hundred confessions of a crazy canuck

so, i'm stealing jackie's idea and i'm going to write 100 things about moi. call it self-absorbed or maybe a bit of a confessional type experience... i don't know, but it sounded fun. so here goes:

100. i was born on my parents first wedding anniversary.
99. i'm canadian.
98. i bought my volkswagen jetta about 6 months before burton got home from his mission because i knew burton didn't like vw's, and i was worried if things worked out and we got married that he'd never let me buy it.
97. i went to efy twice - once in washington state and once at ricks college (ricks 6... it was a big deal)
96. i wore casts on both my legs for the first six months of my life because there was a problem with my toes... but the casts got so smelly that my mom went back to the doctor and forced him to take them off because she couldn't stand it anymore. luckily they'd been on long enough that i don't walk like a duck.
95. i hated country music til i started dating burton... i'm one of THOSE girls.
94. i used to list every guy i had a crush on in my journal on any given day... sometimes there were as many as six.
93. in highschool i would bring clothes that my mom wouldn't approve of with me to school and change in the bathroom.
92. in 5th grade i wrote a book with my friend tara called the "jt detectives".
91. the first time i kissed a boy was in 7th grade and it was one of those experiences where all the girls are pushing me and all the boys are pushing him and there's nowhere to go but towards each other... i kissed his chin and he kissed my nose.
90. i had little red hearts on my wallpaper until i was 16.
89. i had a few new kids on the block posters on the walls in my room, and i would sit and daydream about donnie wahlberg.
88. on that note... i owned the nkotb christmas album.
87. i've played bloody mary in the girls bathroom in elementary school and still get creeped out by mirrors in the dark.
86. my best friends in highschool (all mormon kids -- guys and girls) had a tradition of staying at one person's home on new years eve every year and staying up ALL night after the new years eve dance doing nothing... watching movies, eating food, whatever. if you fell asleep, you got jiffy marker on your face.
85. i have 108 people on my instant messenger list... i think i'm addicted.
84. in highschool (and sometimes in college and since graduation), i could talk on the phone for 6 or 7 solid hours in one sitting and be totally engaged the whole time.
83. i bite my nails.
82. i have had what some might call a bit of a wart problem with my feet. i've had surgery a few times and basically my podiatrist is like my grandpa... i even invited him to our wedding.
81. melissa and kam (who don't really even know each other) have almost the same identical handwriting as i do. with kam and i, i sometimes can't even tell our handwriting apart.
80. the people i have had the most all-out fights with are my absolute best friends in the whole world.
79. i love spicy foods.
78. i spent most of my life liking my steak well-done thinking that it was better that way, until burton introduced me to medium and i fell in love with steak.
77. you already know this if you've read my previous posts, but i have an uncanny aversion to thawing chicken. i hate it with a passion.
76. i look like my dad.
75. i see my mom when i look in the mirror.
74. i have white hair - like not a few... like if i wasn't obsessive about plucking my white hairs, i'm sure you'd notice them.
73. if i could, i would wear my flip flops all year.
72. i have an obsession with coats. all sizes. if it's cute and it's for a toddler, i will find a toddler to buy it for.
71. i really like clocks. not lame clocks (except the egg shaped alarm clock i bought at target that burton absolutely hates), but i love cool clocks. i want to have a clock on enough walls in my home that i merely have to turn my head from any place in my home and know what time it is.
70. ironically, i hate wearing a watch. i don't own a watch.
69. i owned two... count them, two... mickey mouse watches in highschool that sang "it's a small world afterall" when you pressed a particular button. yes... highschool. yes... two. one brown and gold and one black and silver.
68. the clothes in my closet are color coordinated. but i never make my bed.
67. the first concert i ever went to was Weezer and No Doubt in 1997... and it was awesome.
66. the most recent concert i went to was U2... and it was even more awesome.
65. i was the only kid in my 5th grade class to get straight A's and i was ridiculed for it. you can cry for me now. kids are so mean.
64. i have never drank even a drop of alcohol... and i'm canadian... and mormon, so i guess they kind of cancel each other out.
63. i love the snooze button. i LOVED snoozing when i was single. i just enjoyed it... i relished it. but now that i'm married, and i know i'm driving my husband crazy, it's not so fun anymore. but i still do it... every morning.
62. i have never been water-skiing. i've been kneeboarding, wakeboarding, tubing, etc... but never strapped on the skis.
61. i had a song written about me in college and put on a CD that people own. it's weird. but i kinda like it. and my dad cracks jokes about it all the time still.
60. i really like to cook... and i'm pretty good at it too... but curse that frozen chicken that needs to be thawed first!
59. i've cheated (on tests and stuff). a few times. and we'll leave it at that.
58. sometimes i won't kill spiders in my house, because i figure that eventually they'll just go away.
57. i love strawberries... period. pretty much strawberry anything.
56. almond toffee symphony bars... need i say more?
55. i have never been good at sticking to something... piano lessons, the gym, tae-bo, sports... but you know, i really like yoga... and i think i'll actually stick with it. thanks whit.
54. i'm not sweet. but i try to be kind... most of the time.
53. i like to work in the dark. burton will come in the room or the apartment and start singing "batman... da-na-nana-nana-nana".
52. i spent hundreds of dollars in college on textbooks i never read.
51. i was an english major for almost two years and then changed to advertising because i didn't like to read.
50. i have freckles and dimples. the freckles aren't that noticeable for the most part.
49. i love freckles on other people.
48. i have two shades of skin... white and red. there is no such thing as "tan" for moi.
47. i have two crushes other than my husband... johnny depp and jake gyllenhaal.
46. i can't handle background noise. like music or video games through a wall, people talking outside my apartment, car alarms, hammering, tapping, HUMMING and WHISTLING (equally)... and much more.
45. i never want to lose touch with any of my friends. ever. and i miss the ones i never see.
44. i could make myself cry right this very minute if i start to think about the possibility of my dog dying. and i'm going to leave it at that so i don't.
43. i'm the oldest child in my family (of 2) and my brother, mom and dad are all youngest children (well, my mom is second to youngest... but one of the youngest)... and none of us know what it's like to have a sibling of the same gender.
42. i remember birthdays. for some strange reason, they just stick. i remember people's birthdays that i don't even like anymore... the day will come and i'll be like "crap... why do i know this?!"
41. i loved being teachers pet in school... elementary school, highschool, college... you name it. i took pleasure in it.
40. i had a crush on my english teacher in highschool. like the movie "never been kissed" but i wasn't actually old enough like drew barrymore's character ended up being. and we never kissed. very important part of that story.
39. the very first boy i ever kissed (see #91) ended up being gay in highschool and died of a drug overdose. weird.
38. i once applied for a job as a waitress at a place back home just for the summer, and the manager, as part of the interview, asked me to tell a joke. and i did it. and it wasn't funny. and i didn't get the job. does anyone else think that's really lame?
37. i had those posters... you know the ones... the black and white ones of the little kids dressed like adults from the 1920s with flowers that were in color. i shared a room with jess in COLLEGE and had those still. she wanted to kill me. thank you jessica for making me grow up and get rid of them.
36. my favorite color right now is green.
35. my lucky number is 8.
34. i'm a sagittarius.
33. i used to write the horoscopes for my highschool newsletter and i would hear people in the bathroooms saying "oh my gosh! that's SO true!" and i would make fun of them for being so stupid.
32. i used to read the horoscopes in magazines and say "oh my gosh! that's SO true!"
31. my friends and i would play MASH (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House) to figure out who we were going to marry, how many kids we were going to have, our occupation, the kind of house we would own... and i would put a lot of faith in the positive outcomes.
30. i like using a particular kind of pen.
29. i get homesick for the pacific northwest more than i admit.
28. i had never colored my hair until 2001 when i met kam.
27. my name is finnish, and would be spelled "janeija" if it were spelled the finnish way.
26. i haven't used shaving cream or soap or anything to shave my legs in about 8 or 9 years.
25. i don't have a canadian accent anymore... except for the following words i can't say: flag, bag, tag, vague (probably the hardest one for me to say), and plague.
24. i had 9 volumes of journals when i met melissa and she was so cute and wanted to read them, so i let her... and she read every single one.
23. i'm lazy. when i put my mind to something, i can work my butt off... but deep down, in my heart of hearts... i'm lazy. and it drives me nuts.
22. i really love fly fishing. really. and ALMOST more than i love fly fishing, i love my fly fishing gear... mostly the boots... cause they're cute.
21. i'm an interrupter. i really really hate that i do it, so i really really try really hard not to. but it's a battle i fight and sometimes lose.
20. my knees ache when i get really tired. and my head hurts when i get really hungry. does any of this make sense to you?
19. sometimes i like being sick... it's a good excuse to take a break (see... lazy) and i usually get this sexy raspy voice, which i think is pretty cool.
18. i miss school sometimes. and then i remember making no money and paying to learn useless crap. and i don't miss it anymore.
17. my dad was a DJ when i was a little girl.
16. my dad was also a movie theatre manager when i was a little girl and one week my mom went away to a convention or something and i went with my dad to the theatres all day and watched "back to the beach" about a thousand times (bet you don't even know what that movie is!)
15. i was a faker. (i try really hard not to be a faker anymore). i would call home from school and pretend to be sick so i could come home and veg out (and... lazy).
14. in college, my roommates and i would stay home from school to watch 90210 reruns all day.
13. i can't watch scary movies, or i will literally not be able to close my eyes to wash my face for many months.
12. i watched "the ring"... i can't even talk about it. I GOT A BLOODY NOSE PEOPLE!!!
11. i love the cosby show. burton almost bought me the dvds.
10. i think my dad was right when he said that "paying for your education is an important part of gaining an education"
9. i love sneezing.
8. i love sneezing while driving... it's kind of a scary rush. like, am i going to hit a car while my eyes are closed?
7. john lennon was killed on my 2nd birthday, and i have the same birthday as sinead o'conner and cybil shepard... uh, who?
6. in highschool, i was known as "the mormon girl who wasn't going to have sex til she's married"... fun huh?
5. at a restaurant, if i can have ceaser salad, i will.
4. two words... prom sucks.
3. it's 1:12 AM and i'm still awake writing this post. see... if i put my mind to it...
2. i'm going to love the snooze button tomorrow, for sure.
1. tada!

even God has a sense of humor

do you ever think about the moments in your life that shaped you in to the person you are today? little things, big things, those formative experiences that created the mess of a person that you see when you look in the mirror. it's just funny how stupid little stories can tell you so much about a person... so... here's why i'm so nuts... it's a long one. and they're not in any particular order of importance or chronological or anything... just random ramblings as always. :)

i still remember vividly when i was like 8 years old at my friends house, she was drinking orange juice and we were making a tape for a friend or something stupid like that (stop... making a tape for a friend... not like a mixed tape... like a tape of us talking... in fact, the reason we were making her the tape is because she was sick and hadn't been to school so we wanted to keep her up to date on the latest goings-on in our 3rd grade class. girls are so weird). anyway, we started laughing hysterically about something and orange juice came out her nose, which of course made us laugh harder and so when she tried to say outloud "orange juice came out my nose" it sounded more like "oranges came out my nose" and we were 8 and it was caught on tape... so that was pretty much the funniest thing either of us had experienced in life to that point. 20 years later i still remember it clear as day.

much later in life... later, as in should've-known-better kind of later, a bunch of us were hanging out at my house. a mixture of guys and girls and of course at least a handful of the guys were hot and so we were all trying to put on our best show. but then someone got one of my girl friends laughing... she was sitting cross legged on the floor. she was laughing hysterically... and then it happened. she farted. not the kind of fart that gently squeaks out and goes unnoticed, but farted! as if being a teenaged girl wasn't hard enough already, she farted in front of an entire room full of guys. anyone who was there, including her (who is undoubtedly reading this... sorry... but it really was funny!) would probably remember nothing else from that evening, but they would definitely remember that. and of course we all laughed... the kind of uncontrollable laugh when you know that someone is probably so embarrased but no one, including her, can help themselves. anyway... that was me at about 17... laughing hysterically at my friend who farted in front of boys.

and then there was the time i said "oh my god" in front of my parents when i was in 5th grade. for some, they may not understand the gravity of that statement... people say it all the time. but really, i would never ever say it anymore for so many reasons... i even feel guilty about those words sitting here on my blog, but anyway... in my family, and every mormon family in the world for that matter, you did not use that phrase. but as a young 5th grader, with everyone around me at school saying it, i buckled under the peer pressure... but i was certain to only say it at school. until that fateful day in the mall when i was shopping with my parents and i saw something i must have thought was really cool. and out it came. it was like that movie "a christmas story" except not the f-word. "oh my gaww..." like it was happening in slow mo. to this day i remember the horror on my mom's face... "what did you say?" i don't think i knew what shame was until that moment. and honestly, those three words have never escaped my mouth since.

i remember the sunday i met my best friend. i was 10 and sitting in primary sunday school... i even remember that it was the middle section of the multi-purpose room when it was divided up for sunday school classes. i was sitting in one of the little metal fold out "kid" chairs against the window. she came in, and sat down next to me. she had "jessica" embroidered on her little scripture bag. i think we all have a sense about these kinds of things... recognizing those people that we're supposed to meet in this life. i could write an entire blog about the funny stories of jessica and janaya... but i'll do just that and save it for another day. point is, i remember the exact moment we met 18 years ago.

i remember this one saturday when i was probably about 9, my best friend and i decided to walk down to the beach. we walked the back roads that we would normally take when walking to school and then cut down through the elementary school grounds, down the stairs, past the playground, etc etc. and then across the big field in front of the school... which was HUGE when we were little, but is really not that big now that i'm all grown up. anyway, as we walked across the field we noticed this shiny thing in the grass. we bent down to find a shiny new "loonie" (i say new because "loonies" were a new thing in canada... they had just recently eliminated the dollar bill and replaced them with one dollar coins). so that was basically the first miracle i'd ever experienced in my life. haha. we seriously thought it was a miracle. what were the chances that two little girls would find a single dollar coin in this big grassy field?! so of course, we went straight to the convenience store next to the beach and blew it on candy... LOTS of candy. i'm going to sound like my parents, but you really could buy a lot with a dollar back in those days. so that was a cool day.

then there was the time i learned about lying... you'd think i'd have learned that lying was bad, but really i just learned that you had to be smart about the lie you told and when and how you told it. i was in 4th grade and i remember walking past the coat room where everyone hung their little coats and put their lunches in their little cubby holes. i saw a fruit roll up in one of the cubby holes and for some strange reason i thought i could just take it. i have no recollection of the logic that made me think that... i'm sure i had to have known i was stealing it, but it must have fallen somewhere between thinking "man... i really want a fruit roll up" and the logic a little kid has when they take a cookie from the cookie jar and think no one will notice. but really, when you're in 4th grade and your mom sends you to school with a fruit roll up, you're thinking about it all day until you get to eat it... so why i thought the kid who would come to find it missing wouldn't care is beyond me. anyway, i took it. and i put it in my desk. a little later my teacher announced that someone's fruit roll up had gone missing and she wanted to know if anyone had taken it. this is where the logic gets much worse and the lesson in lying (and stealing for that matter) kicks in. when you steal something (which i don't recommend), and you choose not to discard of the evidence of this theft... and when your conscience starts to kick in... don't just come up with an idea like "hey... what if everyone looks in their desks"... haha... i said that. i really did. and we all looked in our desks, and miraculously, i found it in mine. wow. brilliant. i would have been better off to stand up and say "you know what, i stole it. i was hungry, i never get fruit roll ups, and i stole it" but NO...! so needless to say, the mormon girl who never drank, never smoked, never so much as did anything worthy of even being sent to the principles office, was the suspect for the rest of my elementary school experience anytime anything went missing. but i assure you, my unfortunate "gift" in life is that i'm a really good liar. and this was the beginning of it all.

there are two experiences every person in this world should experience during their lifetime. if they're married, i would suggest it's too late, but i think everyone should experience breaking someone's heart and having their heart broken. i've had my heart stomped more than once... but if you have experience with a broken heart, undoubtedly you'll be able to pin point THE ONE. the one that completely and totally crushed you and made you think your life would never go on. ironically, breaking someone's heart and having my heart broken were almost on par as the two most difficult experiences of my life (not because they were particularly awful in comparison to other things i've dealt with, but because of my inability to know how to handle broken hearts). it's hard to say which instance truly hurt more: breaking up with someone i loved because it just wasn't right or being dumped by someone who'd moved on and found someone else. really, it shouldn't hurt to be dumped by someone who wants to be with someone else. i've learned, without question, that the Lord protects His righteous sons and daughters from marrying the wrong people. and i'm glad that my heart knows the hurt of losing love just as well as it knows the joy of finding love.

and then there's the day i spent telling knock-knock jokes from a book i checked out of the elementary school library. all day i went around "knock knock. who's there... blah blah"... one joke after another... must have driven my parents absolutely insane. so after an entire day of telling knock-knock jokes, i sat down with my family to dinner... sitting in our little kitchen with one bright orange wall and brown and orange carpet (gotta love the 80s)... and my dad asked me to say the prayer on the food. we all folded our arms and bowed our heads and without even the slightest hesitation i started with "knock knock." we all burst out laughing even though it took me a second to realize that the usual "dear Heavenly Feather..." hadn't come out. my mom says "even Heavenly Father needs a good joke once in awhile."

so... those are a few of many formative moments in my weird little life. i suppose formative moments are still happening daily. they're formative if you learn from them and let them change you i guess. so... now you know a little more about me... i laugh at stupid things, i'm a liar and a thief with a vulgar mouth and i think God has a sense of humor. what more do you need to know about me! :)