1994... i was 15 years old

last night, i spent a couple hours reading through some of my old journals (how it's possible that i don't have time to get ready in the morning, but i find a few hours to do random stupid stuff like this, i have no idea). i picked up 1994.

what i learned about 1994 is that in 1994 i was a total BRAT! somehow, at 15 i'd convinced myself that i was totally normal... that i wasn't a brat, but that at some level i'd been jipped. all my friends were turning 16 before me. they were all dating before me, driving before me... and i was entitled to the same. if they got to jump off a bridge, so should i, dang it!!

i cannot tell you how embarrasing it was to read "my parents are so dumb" ... "my mom is being so lame" ... "i'm so annoyed with my dad. he's being totally unfair" on every other page. all i wanted to do was talk on the phone... that's it. talk on the phone. for hours. every page was filled with "i *heart* so-and-so... and so-and-so... and so-and-so". and what really surprised me is how often i said church was dumb. "went to church today... it was dumb"... occasionally i'd have these really great experiences with church and that seemed to keep me going, but so weird... no idea how i managed to stay so committed to it all amid phrases like "church is dumb".

seriously... i can't believe how "15" i was. same person... completely different brain. and vocabulary. i'm too embarrased to even admit the words i used to describe people i didn't like or was mad at. and my thought process was insane. "so-and-so said he might have to go to jail... i really hope he doesn't. that would be so lame." hahaha... ya, lame. that's the word. or how about "so-and-so hung up on me. he's such a jerk. i so hope he likes me." no shame. are all 15 year old girls this crazy!? maybe teenagers in general?

so anyway...

to my parents: i'm sorry i said you were dumb and unfair (even if it was just in my journal).
to my church leaders: i'm sorry i was such a brat.
to my teachers: i'm sorry i said i was going to the bathroom and then went to the library to talk to boys for 25 minutes, and then came back and lied and told you i just wasn't feeling well (and i'm sorry i was such a good liar that you believed me).
to my girlfriends: i'm sorry i liked all the same boys you did.
to my boyfriends: i'm sorry i liked so many of you all at once.
to my husband: i'm sorry i was so weird. thank goodness you didn't meet me half my life ago.
to my future children: hopefully this will make me more understanding when you're a crazy teenager and you think i'm dumb and all you want to do is talk on the phone.

ah... journals. and pink pens. why the crap did i use pink pens?!

mmmm... florence.

i know these stories are a little late... but now that i have watched our videos (finally!), i'm feeling compelled to share.

so... one of the last places burton and i went to on our europe trip was florence, italy. we were only there for a couple of days, but it ended up being one of our favorite parts of the trip. primarily because of stuff like you'll see in the pictures and video below.

the first night we were there, we decided to wander the streets. our first moment of overwhelming awe came as we turned a corner (i love how everything is like that in florence... you turn a corner and VOILA!) and saw the duomo for the first time. the colors of this cathedral were seriously some of the most amazing things i've ever seen in my life. pictures just don't do it justice.

then we bought gelato... real italian gelato. which was pretty much a life changing moment for me. i don't have pictures of this earth shattering occasion in my life, but it was an epiphany moment. and trust me... there's nothing like it here. anywhere. we've looked. not even in little italy. the good stuff that will change you forever requires a plane ticket.

and you can't go to florence and not fall in love with this bridge. this bridge!! amazing. just LOOK at it!! oh man, now i'm homesick for my holiday...

and then there was the moment we've captured on video (below). we came around this corner (see... another corner) and heard her... natalia lopushanskaya. what we heard before we turned the corner sounded like a concert. we thought for sure we were going to see something "grand" as we neared the courtyard. but then we saw her... in her jeans and a t-shirt. standing in a dark archway to take advantage of the acoustics. and i've never heard anything like it in my life. even now, watching the video, it gives me chills. i was stopped dead in my tracks. so... here's a little piece of italy to share with you.

oh to be in greece again...

so... it's been about 8 months since burton and i went to europe. and it's been about 2 years since we got our video camera. and it's been about 4 days since i received a firewire cable for my birthday so i could finally download video from our camera. and so this is it... my first real video post.

i chose this segment of video from our trip (sorry there's no ACTUAL pictures of greece) because i have to comment on how weird it is to see yourself and hear yourself in videos. we've all done it. we remember hearing ourselves on the answering machine for the first time and thinking "is that really me? is that really what i sound like?!" and this (above) is one of the first videos i've seen of myself as an adult just telling a story. so... that's me, huh? that's really the facial expressions and hand gesters i make? who knew my eyebrows were so animated? and note to self: don't pull out the video camera with no make-up on.

but seriously... aren't burton and i funny? haha. and it's said "Ah-Gee-Nah"... don't ask me what i was smoking...

p.s. i need a mac. "windows movie maker" is stupid.

(UPDATE: i decided to add pictures of the things mentioned in the video, since "windows movie maker" sucks and i can't figure out how to add them to the movie... if that's even an option with this stupid program)

ferry to aegina island.

place where we ate lunch at the bottom of the island.

out of gas. and lost.

burton in the mediterranean sea. (clothes on)

*gulp*

and the countdown to 30 begins...

please pull forward

it recently occured to me that i've never shared this odd little tid-bit about myself on my blog. which is strange, considering all the odd things i HAVE shared about myself on my blog. in any case... i'm cursed. not like some witch cast a spell and i'm cursed... but it's still a curse, nonetheless.

the discovery of my curse was a gradual thing. at first, it started with sheer frustration over my situation. then other people started noticing... and then overtime it just became blatantly obvious... i simply cannot use the drive-thru without a problem with my order.

now, i will admit... i am a tad bit picky. no... precise. ya, precise. i like things a certain way. but not in some crazy, extra pickles, no mayo, tomato on the side, baked potato instead of fries, toast the bun a little, kind of way. just in the no mayo please, kind of way. that's it. in 90% of drive thru circumstances... that's all i ask. however...

it's always wrong. something... is always wrong.

there will always be mayo on the burger when i clearly asked for none, normal fries instead of curly fries, no mayo AND no ketchup instead of just no mayo, the wrong beverage, no pickle because the person next to me asked for no pickle, baja sauce instead of NO baja sauce, fried rice instead of white rice... you get it.

so i've tried different techniques. i've tried speaking slowly. i've tried offering the information before being asked. i've tried only answering the questions i'm asked. i've tried having them read my order back to me. i've tried keeping it simple and not asking for anything out of the ordinary at all (though really... is no mayo really that out of the ordinary!?). i've even tried having OTHER PEOPLE order for me. and still... problems.

it wasn't until i found that even when coworkers took my order, wrote it down, left me at the office, arrived at the drive thru, placed my order right along with theirs, and delivered my meal back to me,... i knew for certain i was really and truly cursed. their order would be perfectly perfect. and mine would be wrong.

so that's it. i'm right up there with male models who can't turn left. i can't do the drive thru.