even God has a sense of humor

do you ever think about the moments in your life that shaped you in to the person you are today? little things, big things, those formative experiences that created the mess of a person that you see when you look in the mirror. it's just funny how stupid little stories can tell you so much about a person... so... here's why i'm so nuts... it's a long one. and they're not in any particular order of importance or chronological or anything... just random ramblings as always. :)

i still remember vividly when i was like 8 years old at my friends house, she was drinking orange juice and we were making a tape for a friend or something stupid like that (stop... making a tape for a friend... not like a mixed tape... like a tape of us talking... in fact, the reason we were making her the tape is because she was sick and hadn't been to school so we wanted to keep her up to date on the latest goings-on in our 3rd grade class. girls are so weird). anyway, we started laughing hysterically about something and orange juice came out her nose, which of course made us laugh harder and so when she tried to say outloud "orange juice came out my nose" it sounded more like "oranges came out my nose" and we were 8 and it was caught on tape... so that was pretty much the funniest thing either of us had experienced in life to that point. 20 years later i still remember it clear as day.

much later in life... later, as in should've-known-better kind of later, a bunch of us were hanging out at my house. a mixture of guys and girls and of course at least a handful of the guys were hot and so we were all trying to put on our best show. but then someone got one of my girl friends laughing... she was sitting cross legged on the floor. she was laughing hysterically... and then it happened. she farted. not the kind of fart that gently squeaks out and goes unnoticed, but farted! as if being a teenaged girl wasn't hard enough already, she farted in front of an entire room full of guys. anyone who was there, including her (who is undoubtedly reading this... sorry... but it really was funny!) would probably remember nothing else from that evening, but they would definitely remember that. and of course we all laughed... the kind of uncontrollable laugh when you know that someone is probably so embarrased but no one, including her, can help themselves. anyway... that was me at about 17... laughing hysterically at my friend who farted in front of boys.

and then there was the time i said "oh my god" in front of my parents when i was in 5th grade. for some, they may not understand the gravity of that statement... people say it all the time. but really, i would never ever say it anymore for so many reasons... i even feel guilty about those words sitting here on my blog, but anyway... in my family, and every mormon family in the world for that matter, you did not use that phrase. but as a young 5th grader, with everyone around me at school saying it, i buckled under the peer pressure... but i was certain to only say it at school. until that fateful day in the mall when i was shopping with my parents and i saw something i must have thought was really cool. and out it came. it was like that movie "a christmas story" except not the f-word. "oh my gaww..." like it was happening in slow mo. to this day i remember the horror on my mom's face... "what did you say?" i don't think i knew what shame was until that moment. and honestly, those three words have never escaped my mouth since.

i remember the sunday i met my best friend. i was 10 and sitting in primary sunday school... i even remember that it was the middle section of the multi-purpose room when it was divided up for sunday school classes. i was sitting in one of the little metal fold out "kid" chairs against the window. she came in, and sat down next to me. she had "jessica" embroidered on her little scripture bag. i think we all have a sense about these kinds of things... recognizing those people that we're supposed to meet in this life. i could write an entire blog about the funny stories of jessica and janaya... but i'll do just that and save it for another day. point is, i remember the exact moment we met 18 years ago.

i remember this one saturday when i was probably about 9, my best friend and i decided to walk down to the beach. we walked the back roads that we would normally take when walking to school and then cut down through the elementary school grounds, down the stairs, past the playground, etc etc. and then across the big field in front of the school... which was HUGE when we were little, but is really not that big now that i'm all grown up. anyway, as we walked across the field we noticed this shiny thing in the grass. we bent down to find a shiny new "loonie" (i say new because "loonies" were a new thing in canada... they had just recently eliminated the dollar bill and replaced them with one dollar coins). so that was basically the first miracle i'd ever experienced in my life. haha. we seriously thought it was a miracle. what were the chances that two little girls would find a single dollar coin in this big grassy field?! so of course, we went straight to the convenience store next to the beach and blew it on candy... LOTS of candy. i'm going to sound like my parents, but you really could buy a lot with a dollar back in those days. so that was a cool day.

then there was the time i learned about lying... you'd think i'd have learned that lying was bad, but really i just learned that you had to be smart about the lie you told and when and how you told it. i was in 4th grade and i remember walking past the coat room where everyone hung their little coats and put their lunches in their little cubby holes. i saw a fruit roll up in one of the cubby holes and for some strange reason i thought i could just take it. i have no recollection of the logic that made me think that... i'm sure i had to have known i was stealing it, but it must have fallen somewhere between thinking "man... i really want a fruit roll up" and the logic a little kid has when they take a cookie from the cookie jar and think no one will notice. but really, when you're in 4th grade and your mom sends you to school with a fruit roll up, you're thinking about it all day until you get to eat it... so why i thought the kid who would come to find it missing wouldn't care is beyond me. anyway, i took it. and i put it in my desk. a little later my teacher announced that someone's fruit roll up had gone missing and she wanted to know if anyone had taken it. this is where the logic gets much worse and the lesson in lying (and stealing for that matter) kicks in. when you steal something (which i don't recommend), and you choose not to discard of the evidence of this theft... and when your conscience starts to kick in... don't just come up with an idea like "hey... what if everyone looks in their desks"... haha... i said that. i really did. and we all looked in our desks, and miraculously, i found it in mine. wow. brilliant. i would have been better off to stand up and say "you know what, i stole it. i was hungry, i never get fruit roll ups, and i stole it" but NO...! so needless to say, the mormon girl who never drank, never smoked, never so much as did anything worthy of even being sent to the principles office, was the suspect for the rest of my elementary school experience anytime anything went missing. but i assure you, my unfortunate "gift" in life is that i'm a really good liar. and this was the beginning of it all.

there are two experiences every person in this world should experience during their lifetime. if they're married, i would suggest it's too late, but i think everyone should experience breaking someone's heart and having their heart broken. i've had my heart stomped more than once... but if you have experience with a broken heart, undoubtedly you'll be able to pin point THE ONE. the one that completely and totally crushed you and made you think your life would never go on. ironically, breaking someone's heart and having my heart broken were almost on par as the two most difficult experiences of my life (not because they were particularly awful in comparison to other things i've dealt with, but because of my inability to know how to handle broken hearts). it's hard to say which instance truly hurt more: breaking up with someone i loved because it just wasn't right or being dumped by someone who'd moved on and found someone else. really, it shouldn't hurt to be dumped by someone who wants to be with someone else. i've learned, without question, that the Lord protects His righteous sons and daughters from marrying the wrong people. and i'm glad that my heart knows the hurt of losing love just as well as it knows the joy of finding love.

and then there's the day i spent telling knock-knock jokes from a book i checked out of the elementary school library. all day i went around "knock knock. who's there... blah blah"... one joke after another... must have driven my parents absolutely insane. so after an entire day of telling knock-knock jokes, i sat down with my family to dinner... sitting in our little kitchen with one bright orange wall and brown and orange carpet (gotta love the 80s)... and my dad asked me to say the prayer on the food. we all folded our arms and bowed our heads and without even the slightest hesitation i started with "knock knock." we all burst out laughing even though it took me a second to realize that the usual "dear Heavenly Feather..." hadn't come out. my mom says "even Heavenly Father needs a good joke once in awhile."

so... those are a few of many formative moments in my weird little life. i suppose formative moments are still happening daily. they're formative if you learn from them and let them change you i guess. so... now you know a little more about me... i laugh at stupid things, i'm a liar and a thief with a vulgar mouth and i think God has a sense of humor. what more do you need to know about me! :)

wasting away the days

how is it possible to waste an entire day? in fact, not only did i waste the entire day today, but i also wasted the entire day yesterday as well. may this never appear before the eyes of my employers... but i was seriously the most A.D.D. person i can imagine for the past two days. checking stock prices, reading blogs, surfing the internet for anything interesting worth reading, chatting with friends, going to lunch, trying to work while oprah's on tv (trust me, this is not an effective way to get things done), checking stock prices again... and now it's 10:16 PM and i have literally nothing to show for my day. or yesterday. i did make $250 by buying Apple stock last night. thank you steve jobs and your introduction of the iPhone! and ok... i did do some work, but i've certainly been functioning at half capacity. maybe i should try sitting at my desk and working instead of sitting on the couch with my feet up and my laptop on my lap all day. self-discipline -- the bane of my existence. it's the same weakness that causes me to buy a half gallon of chocolate milk and drink it all in two days. mmm... chocolate milk.

belated seasons greetings and 10 lbs later

merry christmas. better late than never. christmas is one of those holidays that you really never end up with enough time to prepare for properly. every year, i know it's coming... and yet every year, a couple days before christmas i'm running around like a crazy woman trying to get everything ready for the big day. and every year, we start getting christmas treats and cards delivered to our door sometime around the end of November, and every year burton and i say to each other "man... we're the worst friends ever... we need to take something to people... " and every year... nothing happens. but to all of you who so faithfully leave treats on our doorstep or send cards in the mail, we love you. to the rest of you... this is why we're friends. we're here to make each other feel better about being such slackers. :)

and now... happy new year. it's that time of year when everyone dedicates themselves to a long list of resolutions about a new diet and their bad food habits and their trips -- or lack of trips -- to the gym and their portion sizes... basically anything having to do with their weight. since deciding on my resolutions, i've managed to not go to the gym once yet, eat at least 8 AMAZING chocolate chip cookies in one sitting (burton puts betty crocker to shame anyday!), enjoy some amazing chocoloate fondue and eat pizza twice. YES! off to a great start! may your new year be much more effective and 10 pounds lighter. :)